Altered Perception

Let’s dissect Aaaahnold.

Flashback to 1984. Back then, I was a bonafide and avid weightlifter, and I really love movies, science-fiction, thrillers and horror especially.

When Terminator came out, I was in pig’s heaven. What – A sci-fi thriller starring Schwarzenegger, he of Pumping Iron lore? Where the hell do I sign up?

Anywho, my admitted bromance with Arnold reached such fevered heights after viewing Terminator, that I instantly catapulted Schwarzenegger to such lofty heights that in my eyes, he could (and still can’t) do no wrong.

Yes, I’m even talking about Red Sonja, Kindergarten Cop, Twins and Junior. Absolute masterpieces of their respective genres, each and every one. I mean, teaming Schwarzenegger and DeVito together as actual twins is a stroke of pure, sidesplitting genius. It’s gold, folks, gold.

It’s also altered perception.

Physiology majors might point out that it simply isn’t physically conceivable that Schwarzenegger and DeVito’s characters in Twins could have been hatched from the same gene pool. They might say that even with recessive dormant genes being what they are, it’s just not possible that twins could actually look so dissimilar in every respect.

As well, film geeks might make a case that the heavy-handed humor in Twins isn’t actually sidesplitting – for that, they may proffer up more intellectual comedies, like Flirting With Disaster or There’s Something About Mary.

Hey, to each their own.

Let’s be clear: if I had a choice to see another Ben Stiller comedy or a fun, zany and relatively-rare comedic romp starring Mr. Pumping Iron, I’d opt for the big man every time. Let’s be honest: what’s Stiller ever contributed to the sci-fi or thriller genre? Zero Effect? Mystery Men?

Stiller ain’t nothin’ but a Focker, and that’s all he’ll ever be – I know it, he knows it, and you know it. Personally, I’d rather watch Arnold read from the Yellow Pages than sit through Along Came Polly again…