My sister called me last Sunday to tell me she and her girlfriend of a few years were having a "ceremony" and she would love it if I would attend. I've posted before that my sister was gay but has never "came out of the closet" so to speak. She's lived her life openly gay, it's just not been discussed. I think that might seem odd to some but not to our family. My mother raised three very independent children. When we get together for family gatherings etc., we might discuss what we are currently doing but none of us ever ask the others "What do you think if I did this?" or even "Do you think I should or shouldn't do this?". Some how we received an over abundance of the gene that doesn't require us to seek validation for our choices in life. Thus we don't offer advice or our opinions either. I'm happy to say my children are carrying on the family tradition.

So when my sister called I could hear in her voice the stress of making this phone call. I'm sure she made many wondering if there would be fallouts and recriminations that can transpire when going against the grain of societies morals, values and ethics. The relief in her voice when I told her I wouldn't miss it was immense. I hate that the anxiety was there for her.

So when I fly off to Omaha in September (yea!) to attend this great celebration, I will tell my sister how much I love her and she's my sister (as we say in Iowa) through hell and high water. Once again, life is too short and we have no time for bullshit. I think this is becoming my motto. I can live with that.

Can you imagine the aroma in the air? Nothing like a weenie and marshmellow roast on cold night with a full moon. I think this was a little out of control though:

URBANA, Iowa -- A semi hauling 44,000 pounds of Oscar Mayer hot dogs caught fire late Tuesday night on Interstate 380 near Urbana, which is between Cedar Rapids and Waterloo. The northbound lane was shut down and Linn County's hazmat team was called out to contain diesel fuel which powered the refrigeration unit on the truck. Hazmat chief Tom Ulrich said the driver told officials that it sounded like something broke. Part of the steel frame then caught a wheel on fire, and flames engulfed the rig. The Iowa State Patrol, which is investigating the accident, said the driver's name wasn't immediately available.

I wonder if they were plumpers? Somewhere there is going to be a shortage of weenies.

My daughter called me earlier today, we usually chat for an hour or so every Sunday. Not usually alot to say, just BS. When I hung up from her she was getting ready to go shopping "in town". Which is about 45 miles or so away for her. Just another Sunday..nothing too exciting going on.

Well about 8pm the phone rings..cell of course, the home phone is still disconnected. Caller ID shows it's my daughter which it's unusual for her to call twice in one day unless something is up. Oh boy.

I hear "Mom! You'll never guess what happened!" First thing I think of..my son wrecked the car. Why my brain goes to the worst possible scenario is a curse I live with I guess. She continues "Guess what? Guess what?" Well I can tell by now this is a good "You'll never guess what happened?" But being the mother I am a zillion miles from home my heart is still on the floor. I start yelling back "What? What?"

"Zoey pooped in the potty chair!"

For some reason she didn't think my response "Oh thank God" seemed inappropriate at all, since she responded with "Oh I know!"

Everything seems to be working out well in Iowa. Life is good.

As I'm flying down 696 yesterday morning on my way to work my daughter calls me. She says "I lost your address again, can you give it to me." Being the wonderful mother that I am and knowing my children, I immediately ask "Why?"
She says "Well, the Army recruiter needs it." She didn't appreciate my yelling "WHY?" back at her. She's heard that tone before and I'm sure would of loved to end the conversation right at that point. She hems and haws a bit then rapidly starts talking without breathing "Well Jess (my 17 year old) wants to go in the Army for 2 years before he goes to college and then they will pay for it and they are going to give him a bunch of money and you won't have to worry about it, besides they are testing him today and he goes for his physical next week and I tried to talk him out of this but you know how he is and he's not listening to me. So the Army guy wants your address because I told him it would be better that way rather than to call you." I hear her taking a deep breath.
Well fuck. I'm speechless.
Then she goes on to say "Well the Army guy keeps telling him about all this money and stuff they are going to give him."
At this point all I can say is "Yeah, sunscreen and a used gun." Then I'm on a roll.."What the fuck is he thinking? Tell him that guy is nothing more than a used car salesman and the Army is not going to give him shit for Christs sake!"

So anyway, I quit taking it out on my daughter and told her I'd call him when I cooled down...well that hasn't happened yet. At this rate Christmas could come and go.

I have no clue at this point what to say to this kid. He has a 4.0 GPA and more (I thought) intelligence than anyone in our family has ever had.

I remember the Army recruiter that was dancing with my daughter when she was in high school and all the bogus shit they were laying on her. I'm sure it's illegal to bitchslap an Army recruiter....but still. Anyway...my daughter does know me, it wouldn't be wise for him to call me.

I haven't had a lot of time to put much thought into this but my daughter called me the other night, she informed me of something that is not sitting well.

My son plays high school football and apparently the coaches this year are getting very mouthy in the locker rooms. Calling the kids "stupid fuckers", "lazy ass fuckers". I guess there is quite a list and these two coaches go on quite a rant.

My son hasn't complained to me, and he's the type that would not. My told my daughter that it really pisses him off and he's lost alot of respect for the coaches. To the point he wants to quit but loves football too much to do that.

Any guys play high school sports and put up with this crap? My daughter is livid and wants to have a chat with these coaches. At this point I've told her not too...because I know how they take complaints out on the kid. Bullshit if they don't. My son has had a bad enough year with losing his father to cancer. I just don't want to bring any extra shit on his head.

I'm really at a loss here for the moment. Any brilliant ideas? I personally want to fly back and tear their fucking heads off...but that's a knee jerk reaction.

Governor Asks Former Iowans To Come Home

Tell you what Babe..you pack me up, move me, guarantee me even 75% 80% of my current salary, I'd be on my way. Ok, ok..I'll pack the crap up myself and pay for the move...but I'm not carrying the furniture.

That's right...Des Moines, Iowa.
Now I didn't say that.
These people did.

What is twenty-four pounds, has way too many teeth, able to run faster than a greyhound, can pierce an eardrum with a single howl, make pitbulls run in terror and bring grown men to their knees to beg, whimper and act like idiots for just a little attention? Meet Zoey my granddaughter.

** this is the 3rd time I've tried to post this. I've been trying to get the picture a decent size. Obviously I have no clue on how to do that or in my picture taking ability.

I can't believe how fast this weekend went. The plane ride home was hell, cloudy with turbulence the whole way. I had a drunk skanky blond woman sitting next to me that burped garlic the whole way and bitched she thought she was going to barf as she chugged down $5 beers. Argh.

Iowa was cool and cloudy the whole time without one drop of badly needed rain. Things are browning up real nice there.

The nights were cool and peaceful for me, I slept 9 hours each night...even missed the whole coyote fiasco last night. I guess a pack of coyotes was so close to the house last night it woke everybody but me up. I guess living in Detroit I just got used to all the howling and yipping.

The really big news from town everybody is talking about and coming out to see...the city has decided to install a traffic signal. Looks like a damn good one too. It's posing somewhat of a traffic hazard right now...everyone keeps running the 4-way stop signs looking at the crew installing the lights. The crew must be out of Omaha because they ignore everyone who keeps honking and waiving.

Looks like I got home just in time for the apartment complexes fireworks show to celebrate..ummm....Sunday night.

The odds of driving down the road and having the doors of an armored truck fly open and rain out money is beyond the imagination. I'm sure it's up there with God getting getting killed by a vending machine.

Of course this had to happen in Iowa and I'm not even there yet.

In the poll over 30% said they would keep the money. I plead the 5th.

I was surprised to see this in my hometown paper. I think everyone probably thinks it's a great idea unless you are a sex offender.

Damn I miss Iowa and newspapers with headlines like this.
Is it any wonder I thought things were simpler there?

Well today is my Mother's 67 birthday. Damn she's getting old. I haven't called her yet tonight because she usually goes out to dinner with one of her girlfriends.

Mom was a real looker in her day...her pictures of when she was a teen and into the 20's and 30's she looked alot like Dana Scully from the X-files. Now she looks like my dead Aunt Rose. It's such a bitch to get old.

Mom was married 4 times by the time she was 34. The last husband was the best of all. He I'm sad to say was killed in a car accident in '92. My mother's anorexia about killed her 2 months later...but she pulled through. She said she was done with men...no one could of topped David. I think she's right.

Mom made a life for herself being single...she has plenty of girlfriends, involved in the church. Has a dog that I think is now probably also listed in the will. She does ok. We get along alot better now with me in Michigan and she in Iowa. Love ya Mom.

Talk about snail mail being slow but this this takes the prize.