Since it's Saturday that means it's time for me to check on The Friday Five. Apparently they aren't playing this week. What nerve. Sheesh.

Just because I'm putting off doing five other things, here's this weeks Friday Five.

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.

Not a big list, but clean out my walk in closet. I really can't see the end of it, I think a family of 3 might be living in there. I wonder if they mean this year?

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.

I have a brother I have not seen since I was 13. I would like to see him again as long as he's not a serial killer, homeless or needing a loan. Other than that I can't think of anyone.

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.

Straighten my hair, play the stock market, skin my own site, debate something without resorting to screaming "you are a fucking idiot", and how to say "Hell No! I'm not doing that".

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
Give 30 days notice to my employer. Set up a trust fund. Buy three homes, one in Colorado, one in Iowa and one on some island. Travel for the next 365 days to places I've never been. Answer the phone again and tell the bill collectors to fuck off the check is in the mail. Heh. Hire a houseboy...but I think that's six things. Ok, so maybe the trust fund has to go.

5. List five things you do that help you relax.

Sex, drugs, and alcohol. Read, write, listen to music, take a walk, and last but not least...eat chocolate.

Well once again it's Friday and I'm bored. So here's the Friday Five.

1. What food do you like that most people hate?

I have to say spinach. Spinach is great with a little olive oil, salt and garlic. A hunk of bread...and it's a great meal.

2. What food do you hate that most people love?

Seafood. Can't stand the smell, the taste or the appearance.

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?

There are two actually I can't stand. First, although I have to admit he's in some great movies is Tom Hanks. For some reason I can't stand to look at this guy. The other guy is Jim Carrey...I just won't watch him.

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive?

I can think of several: Billy Bob Thorton, Tommy Lee Jones, John Candy, Michael Clark Duncan and yes Danny DeVito and my favorite of all time Yul Brynner.

5. What popular trend baffles you?

I quit understanding trends when disco hit. I learned at that time there was no accounting for taste that leads to certain trends. Trying to understand it was such a waste of good head space.

1. Name five things in your refrigerator.

Rigatoni and Italian sausages, milk, OJ, a bottle of Alize that's getting a little old, cheese.

2. Name five things in your freezer.

Frozen brussel sprouts, frozen cauliflower, two trays of ice cubes, frozen porkchops, frozen beef roast.

3. Name five things under your kitchen sink.

The garbage can, garbage bags, dishwasher soap, Comet and 409 spray.

4. Name five things around your computer.

Heh. Fingernail polish, a desk calendar, a small statue of somekind of buddha, a Stevie Ray Vaughan CD, cup of coffee.

5. Name five things in your medicine cabinet.

Band-aids, nail polish remover, 2 necklaces, disposable contact lens, razor blades.

Curtsey to the The Friday Five.

1. Do you watch sports? If so, which ones?

Hell no. Well sometimes boxing.

2. What/who are your favorite sports teams and/or favorite athletes?

That football guy that knocked the shit out of employees in that commercial.

3. Are there any sports you hate?

No. That would require having to watch it and think about it.

4. Have you ever been to a sports event?

Boxing, but not for years. Joe Frazier was fighting the last time I went. Some time in the last century.

5. Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play?

Basketball, volleyball, tennis. Just to get out of going home after school. I would just sign up with whatever my bestfriend wanted to do, she had a mother with a car I could catch a ride home with after. When I finally got my drivers license and a job that problem was solved.

Courtesy of The Friday Five.

1. What vehicle do you drive?

A Grand Am

2. How long have you had it?

Three years.

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?

I'm really torn here between the gas pedal and the CD player.

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?

The cigarette lighter is broke, I couldn't charge my cell phone during the blackout.

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?

A Hummer so I could drive right over those annoying little Focus's.

Questions courtesy of the The Friday Five I'm glad they were easy this time.

This weeks Friday Five.

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?

Iowa of course. Before that Alabama, then Iowa three times, then Florida. In the past year.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?

When I was 18 with a friend of mine, we decided we were going to take 2 weeks and drive to California and see the world. Shit. What a different world from Iowa. The most bizarre thing on that trip happened in Oakland, CA..where we got lost. We were supposed to be going to her aunt's house for the night, but we couldn't even find the right city. We stopped at this gas station, where these two guys were working..all covered with grease and grim. They were foreign..we assumed Mexican. Remember we were from Iowa and didn't know shit. Patti was crying because we were lost in a very very black area. We hadn't showered for 2 days because we had been camping, we stunk, we were tired. Well these guys were closing the station and said we could go home with them and use their shower, and they had room if we wanted to stay. They were very nice guys. Why we ever agreed is beyond me now, but at the time it seemed appropriate. I remember thinking in my ignorance, that these guys were Mexican and probably had 12 people living in a 2 room house. Patti thought the same thing. Well we ended up following these guys to their home...which took quite awhile to get there. Well these guys didn't live in a 2 bedroom house, they lived in a mansion with about 10 bedrooms. They weren't Mexican, they were Iranians. They didn't work at the gas station they owned several. We ended up spending 2 nights there, they wined and dined us, were absolutely perfect gentlemen. Hussein and Gus...no shit. Their father had sent them to America to go to college and work in the family's business. Both were majoring in political science. We stayed in touch for about a year after til they left to go home. I moved..and we lost contact. I've always wondered what became of them.

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?

Alaska

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?

I'd prefer that Scotty beamed me up. If I have a lot of time, I'd prefer to drive.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?

Iowa...in 7 days.

When I first seen these questions I thought o'hell, I'm not doing that. Then my imagination kicked in and I figured I could have some serious fun with this. My life has definitely covered every genre there is.

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?

The first thing that came to my mind was "All Fucked Up and No Place to Go". Then I thought, damn I can't say that. If I'm going to be halfway truthful about this...ok, that's the title of my movie.

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?

The film definitely would have to begin with some Eric Clapton and Led Zeppelin. Eugene Pratt of Mason Proffit would have to cover the score of the high school years. If anyone has heard of that...I'll be shocked.
Of course this would have to be a 2 CD set. Enigma would have to be on for all partial nudity and sexual scenes. Then we have to throw in a little Motown, just because I live here now. Absolutely no country music. That would be in the contract.

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?

Well I don't know about action, I would think there would be a large chunk of the movie where you might want to return phone calls, get popcorn...go to the bathroom whatever in between the funny and weird stuff.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?

This one stumped me the longest. Jody Foster can play me, just because I like her. Cher or Scully would have to be my Mom..she's a combination of the 2. My father would be Tony Soprano. All the ex's would have to be Tommy Lee Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Eddie Murphy, and Dana Carvey...figure that mess out. Shit I can't.

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.

Jodie Foster sitting on top of hill, sun shining brightly, wind gently blowing her hair...as she gazes over a cornfield. Watching it grow.

Boring but that was fun.

Some hard questions, but those are always the best...right?

1. When was the last time you cheated?

Maybe grade school, I'm not even sure about then. Somewhere in my strict Catholic upbringing a very efficient job was done in making me believe that if certain rules were broke, God would smite me down like an insect. At least some fat nun would chase me down with a yardstick and beat the hell out of me.

2. When was the last time you stole?

7th grade, I took two pieces of incense from local drugstore with my best friend. The next day we took it back...I didn't sleep all night long. Sounds like bullshit I know. I was raised knowing that if I didn't work, I didn't eat. If I could not afford it, I didn't get it. Sneaking cigarrettes from my mother didn't count though, I was saving her.

3. When was the last time you lied?

I ended a very dysfunctional relationship about 3 years ago. The last month there I was telling lies right and left to get out of it intact. I was good at it too, surprised me.

4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
I egged somebody's van in high school. I really enjoyed that.

5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?

That would be my oldest son when I refused to lend him money to pay taxes after he dumped $1500 on a new Dell. Oh well. Momma is not a part time job baby.

1. How are you planning to spend the summer [winter]?

Oh yes...the vacation starts July 15. Amen. I wanted to go to Alaska until I seen how long the flight was. There is NO way I'm spending over 24 hours of my vacation in an airplane. Ok..so possibly CO, OR..somewhere in between. Other than that...work as usual.

2. What was your first summer job?

Babysitting for 50 cents an hour.

3. If you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go?

Alaska....if Scotty can beam me up and beam me back down.

4. What was your worst vacation ever?

Went to SD Black Hills with the then husband and kids. It was beautiful..the hubby bitched the whole time about everything. It was the first and last vacation trip we took.

5. What was your best vacation ever?

Too many to list pre-marriage and post-marriage. I love to travel..well not true, I love to be in new places. I hate getting there. I don't sit well. Two hours is my max.

There are still 16 states I have not visited. Of those 16 left...the only one I really want to see of course...is Alaska. I've yet to have a desire to go overseas.

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?

Oh God..what a bad subject. My hair is just past my shoulders, it's very thick, wavy, curly...and it does exactly what it wants.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?

I hate this question. My hair I was born with was reddish/auburn. I started turning gray at 18. By 32 I was all gray and began dyeing my hair..what it's natural color was. I still do, but I know that my hair would be completely silver if I didn't dye it. It's a hereditary thing from my father's side.

3. How do your normally wear your hair?

Parted on the ride side..no bangs. I try and straighten it every day...and that gets me down to just soft waves.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?

I'd be completely silver. I find it attractive now on women...if they are younger. Like moi....of course.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?

Every day of my life.