I love Jack Handy and his Deep Thoughts...probably too much. I relate a little too well to Jack. I do have a Jack in my family but he's not handy. So for today I leave you this by Jack:

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Just woke up with a song playing through your head you swear you haven't heard for years? Alice Cooper no less. Where does this stuff come from?

Baby, if you wanna, be my lover

You better take me home

Cuz it's a long long way to paradise

And I'm still on my own.

Must of been a good dream.

I have to take back the Duh! Award from Kwame and Mike today, because I added a new item to my top 5 list of "Dumb Ass Mistakes".

I may share it here if and when I crawl out from under this heavy rock of humiliation and wash the dried egg slime off my face. Maybe.

I read something in the paper this morning that literally made me walk away and come back and read it again. Have you ever heard or read something that leads to such profound thoughts, such sense of wonder that you have to walk away pondering and simply digest the information? And after meditating even further on this information you finally conclude after looking at it at all angles that the information is so profound your only possible intelligent summation is "Well Duh!"?

So as I'm showering this morning, contemplating nothing deeper than this article, I've decided to create a new category. The "Duh! Awards". I'm the first to admit there are many things that I "just don't get". Many "get it". They try to explain "it" to me and "it" sails right over my head. So I've decided I'm going to start sharing my "its" go back in time, reponder (is that a word?) my "it's" and see if I ever get "it". Sometimes if I think about "it" too much "it" can boggle my mind.

Anyway my award today goes to Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox who announced yesterday three new programs that possibly could help stem the escalating violence in Detroit.

This is their plan and I'll save the best for last:

Cox will assign five assistant attorneys general to the 1st (Downtown) and 3rd (Vernor) police precincts to work side-by-side with Detroit officers in investigating and prosecuting all non-fatal shootings in those areas. Former Wayne County Prosecutor Michael Duggan had assigned assistants to precincts, but the program was axed by his successor, Kym Worthy.

Ok this is very nice, right away this left me wondering if they failed to prosecute all non-fatal shootings in the past...surely they did prosecute? Right? But leaves you wondering, right?

Wayne County sheriff’s deputies will escort probation officers to check on their charges after dark, when the felons might be tempted to be on the streets getting into trouble.

Oh, that's an original idea.

Police will target the worst gun offenders and their associates and keep the heat on them constantly for any wrongdoing — such as nonpayment of child support, driving unregistered cars, domestic violence and other unlawful behavior that authorities may have overlooked in the past.

Whoa! Ok, the worst gun offenders are still out there? We know who they are and we are now going to go after them for breaking the law in other ways? We overlooked this before?

Then we have this beaut my Mike Cox...watch this guy will rise to new heights in politics:

"...We are going to try some old tactics that have worked well; we are excited to try something that has worked elsewhere and hopefully it will work here and spread citywide,”

Who would of thought that arresting the criminals and getting them off the street would help resolve the crime wave?

I really can't say anymore on this but ...Duh!

I'm reading this story in the Detroit Free Press this morning about police officers that were chasing 4 teens who at 1am that stole 3 different cars. One of the thiefs cars crashed during the chase, one is dead, one in the hospital. Two more are ok. These wonderful felons were 14 and 15 years old out at 1 in the morning. One AM?

So now "we" are pointing the finger at the cops - did they follow police procedure in doing a proper chase? Did they or did they not act at the scene of the crash?

These are not the questions I want the answer too. I want to know where the hell was the Moms and Dads and why weren't they doing their job? That's where my finger wants to slowly but yet firmly gravitate towards.

Just thought I'd share. But I have this urge to burst into a Lee Green Wood's lyric. That would be torture...if this jackass could hear me sing.

A new comment has been posted on your blog Altered Perceptions, on entry #198 (Anti-Americans). http://www.alteredperception.net/cgi-bin/mt/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=198

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Name: Mike Jones
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Comments:

You piece of shit America is the shit and your a piece of shit

Uh huh...WHATevER.

I just wanted to drop this brief note to let you know how special you are. Everyone should know how special you are. Last night you really wowed me. You have the stamina and the staying power of a bull baby. Over six hours last night! Your butt muscles must be so sore? And those magic fingers? I know you are probably shy and a little modest about what you can do...but wow, 140 times in only 6 hours. Has to be a new record. Damn, it is for me. I won't forget you baby. It's just a damn shame it only took me 10 minutes to get off....that is the 140 pieces of fucking spam you left on my blog. Fool.

Remembering you baby, always.
Dawn

Finally the ugly truth is coming out. Isn't it about time?

More than 800 people were shot in Detroit in the first six months of this year, a 70 percent jump in gun violence that experts and police blame on a variety of factors, from upheaval and scarce resources in the police department to high unemployment rates among young males and a hip-hop culture that condones gunfire to solve disputes.

I read the Detroit papers almost daily online. I never watch the local news it just doesn't fit my schedule. On the back pages on most days you'll find "Three Shot Down", "Gun Battle Kills Two", but never an article that's putting the tallies together. No running scoreboard for the public like Iraq. If you live in this area there is no doubt you have this cold pit in your stomach, that nagging fear in the back of your mind that things are consistently changing. Changing fast and not for the better.

Of course "the experts" are putting the blame on the police, unemployment rates, and last but not least entertainment artists. After all we don't want to look at the parents of these lowlife fools for not teaching them any morals, ethics or simple respect for your fellow man. Let's just let them continue to breed more corrupt offspring to follow in their footprints.

I've been saying for a few years now this area is "different". Something is so very wrong here. I can't understand the press in not pulling the whole picture together before today and saying "What the hell is happening?" or "What do we need to do about this?". The acceptance of declining morals and values in this city blows my mind. Why isn't anyone pointing the finger and placing the blame on the people pulling the triggers?

I don't have any answers or any solutions but I do know ignoring and blaming others for a cancerous growth doesn't make it go away and it will eventually metastasize. I've never understood why Detroit is in such denial. Can someone bring in a team of surgeons please? This place needs help.

But I'm going to the doctor today. PAP smear time. Ugh. Well actually it's been that time for a couple of years but I'm the Queen of Procrastination, remember? Actually I'm sort of a train wreck over this. I've been having problems for awhile now and I'm a firm believer if you ignore something it will go away. Right? That plan has worked for decades so far...well except the back problem, but I'm not going there.

I've spent alot of time this weekend, too much time thinking about my life and where it is going. Or maybe not going. It was a fluctuating hormonal emotional weekend. I've found someone who makes me happy in many ways. Something and someone I didn't believe existed. So it's time for the "other shoe to drop" right?

The Italian neighbourhood I grew up in bought into the concept for every good thing that happened (genuflects) something bad will happen. Now I can't say that I buy into that theory but it's in the back of my....ok, front and center of my mind. (genuflects) I'm definitely not taking a trip down memory lane to see if there is any factual basis to that concept. Right now I really don't want to know.

Anyway I hate doctors and I'll probably have to have some stupid tests and this will drag out for weeks and eventually just fade away. I'm wasting my time and money. See, I can deny and rationalize with the best of them. Gotta love those defense mechanisms.

I'm still wondering if this is a hoax:

THE anti-depressant drug Prozac is being taken in such large quantities in Britain that it has entered water supplies.

Experts from the Environmental Agency are calling for an immediate investigation after it emerged that quantities of the medication were found in rivers and groundwater used for drinking supplies.

Now if this happened in America I'd probably believe it. Happy water sounds like a good thing to me.

My sister called me last Sunday to tell me she and her girlfriend of a few years were having a "ceremony" and she would love it if I would attend. I've posted before that my sister was gay but has never "came out of the closet" so to speak. She's lived her life openly gay, it's just not been discussed. I think that might seem odd to some but not to our family. My mother raised three very independent children. When we get together for family gatherings etc., we might discuss what we are currently doing but none of us ever ask the others "What do you think if I did this?" or even "Do you think I should or shouldn't do this?". Some how we received an over abundance of the gene that doesn't require us to seek validation for our choices in life. Thus we don't offer advice or our opinions either. I'm happy to say my children are carrying on the family tradition.

So when my sister called I could hear in her voice the stress of making this phone call. I'm sure she made many wondering if there would be fallouts and recriminations that can transpire when going against the grain of societies morals, values and ethics. The relief in her voice when I told her I wouldn't miss it was immense. I hate that the anxiety was there for her.

So when I fly off to Omaha in September (yea!) to attend this great celebration, I will tell my sister how much I love her and she's my sister (as we say in Iowa) through hell and high water. Once again, life is too short and we have no time for bullshit. I think this is becoming my motto. I can live with that.

I've been spending alot of time over the last few days thinking about how I and others communicate what we are trying to say and is it effective. I'm far from being the best communicator in the world and with my sarcastic, weird sense of humor that I frequently bombard others with, many might say I'm a lousy communicator. It seems I often have to go back and clarify what my meaning was especially if I happen to make one of those flippant remarks. I have a lot of respect for those that come back and ask.

My staff at work seems to run the full gamut of ways to communicate. I have the non-stop talkers (God help me) and then the one I hate the absolute most. The pouters. The clammer uppers. Yes the silent treatment is a very effective way to communicate.

I currently have a nurse manager - one of my key players on the team who had something crawl up her ass and apparently die and there is no way in hell she's sharing what it is. This may be a good thing but we are getting the silent treatment. I hate that. There is nothing worse than having to sit an adult down and say "Ok, what's the matter? You are unhappy, spit it out." I've had to do this with this person a couple of times over the past 3 years. I've decided I'm not doing this anymore. She's withholding information that is needed to make the facility run smoothly because of her pout. She's headed for the highway and she can go pout in greener pastures.

I have the least respect for this kind of "communicator". One of the reasons I ended a twenty year marriage was because I was married to a pouter. Someone who would not talk for days on end. Life is too short, there really is no time for bullshit. Why do people have so much trouble being adults? If you have something to say - good or bad, spit it out damn it!

Anybody ever feel that? That we work and struggle just for a few peaceful moments here and there? Sometimes I feel like I'm dehydrating in this huge hot desert (hell) and I have to fight, scratch and claw my way to the next drinking hole. Of course the point of all that is to finally get out of the desert...but do we? If we get out will we recognize it, or just look for a different form of a watering hole? I guess our lives our made up of watering holes and drinking fountains on that grand journey to the paradise in the sky? I don't want that, I want Margeuritaville, and I want to stay for awhile.

Ok, enough of that shit, I'm obviously way past tired.

Yep vacation is over, back to traffic, a hot office, lawyers, arbitrations, conference calls, meetings, audits, action plans and corporate yahoos. Yippee.

I had a great vacation...a few days chilling and a few days in Virginia. Life should include more vacations.

Some wonderful things going on in my life right now and some not so wonderful things. One thing that is always consistent is change, right?