I left for work at 6am yesterday morning. The sky was clear, sun up...no dipshits on the road. People that have to go into work that early know how to drive. None of that creeping along at 10 mph under the speed limit for them.

Just a word of warning: the dipshits begin appearing on the road sporadically about 6:30. At 7am it's a full out stupid party.

I really really like this blinking yellow lights before 7am at certain intersections. We need more of those in the world. At least in my world.

I thought it was time I write an update on what's going on in my life. Maybe it will help me see things with less tunnel vision. I resigned my place of employment on April 30. It seemed to cause a flurry of excitement in the corporate higher ups. I guess my bitching, moaning and groaning over the past year fell on deaf ears until the moment of truth came.

So after multiple phone conferences and "sit down and hash this out" meetings...I've been given promises "to get this situation fixed". So approximately two weeks after I resigned, I rescinded my resignation on the terms the changes will be made.

I readily admitted to them I am so burned out I could not see a way to fix things. So this is what they came up with:

1. I get to hire an assistant DON. Did that yesterday. Quite a chunk out of the budget I might add. Didn't make me bat an eye.

2. A video surveillance system will be installed throughout the building. I could of hired even another assistant for what this baby will cost, but in time saved from having to interview a zillion witnesses to figure out what happened...it will be recorded for all to see.

3. Increased attorney support to deal with the union issues that had become my main focus instead of patient care. This portion of it all actually becomes quite complicated and I'm not even sure I understand it all. Lawyers...what can I say. The "bottom line" is I'll no longer be harrassed by the union. We'll see.

4. A $10,000 reward will be posted for information leading to the ....blah, blah, of anyone who basically does something illegal in the building against a patient or management staff. Where this one came from is a long story...and I'd just as soon skip over it again.

5. Increased corporate support and presence. Damn this could be scarey. Time will tell.

So that's the story. I promised them I would stay for now and try it. The burn out factor is still alive and present. But I'm the one that has to come up with a plan to try and fix that. Unlike them, I made no promises that this problem can be resolved but I am willing to try.

So anyway that's been the recent happenings on the road to Oz.

It's been forever since I've blogged. No excuses. I just flew home from Susan and Chris's wedding. It was fantastic. I cried. I drank too much wine, ate too much cake. Ate too many chocolate dipped strawberries decorated like a tuxedo.

Congratulations Susan and Chris....I love you both.

I stayed three days in Gettysburg, PA...which is quite charming, but a little boring after awhile. I spent alot of time wishing I had a house on a lake sitting somewhere in the hills faraway with a deck almost bigger than my apartment.

I did have a fine man escort me to the wedding. Reality can be very good.

What Jessica Lynch would think of this?

For the last few days I'm trying to conjure up some sympathy, empathy or even a tinge of "oh that is so wrong". It's just not coming. Part of that worries me a little bit, not much....mostly what I'm thinking is: Fuck them.

I'm wondering just murderous act in the name of Allah hardened my heart past no return. I'll probably never know.

I love that word, always have. Lust. It just rolls off the tongue leaving a smile. If you haven't lusted after someone, you haven't lived. Lust makes you feel alert, alive and completely whole when that crave is being satisfied. In my younger days, I have to admit, I could not tell the difference between lust and love. I would of argued to my death they were one and the same. Lust is like being high. Love can be like being high. How do I know what being high feels like? Well don't ask.

Thankfully over the years I've learned the difference. The hard way of course. Lust is a Hershey bar, a Ford Fiesta and a walk in the park. Love is Godivas, a Rolls Royce and gazing down at the world from Pike's Peak. Ok...I suck at analogies, but you get my drift.

Anyway...I'm all bummed out this morning to find out it's all about brain chemicals:

Dr. Fisher and a colleague, Dr. Anderson J. Thomson Jr., have studied the brains of people in love and pored over research from the last 25 years on the neurological basis of romance. Three brain systems, all interrelated, the researchers say, control lust, attraction and attachment. Each runs on a different set of chemicals. Lust is fueled by androgens and estrogens. Attachment is controlled by oxytocin and vasopressin. And attraction, they say, is driven by high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, as well as low levels of serotonin. As a result, they say, increasing levels of serotonin with antidepressants can cripple the sex drive but also set off an imbalance among the three systems.

Somethings I just have a need not to know.

I love this. It seems to amazingly sum up my weekend of introspection, reconsideration and what comes next in life.

Curtsey to Utterly Boring whose timing is impeccable.

Friday I did give notice at work. Not an easy thing to do. Sort of akin to breaking up a relationship...although there is relief there you can't deny the grief or ignore the pain of things turned sour. The underlying feeling of failure.

After a flurry of phone calls from corporate people I'm supposed to have been "reconsidering" staying this weekend with certain promises of "changes". I've also been offered taking on another building.

Promises, gifts and little sweet words of nothing. A little too much, too late. The thrill is gone baby, let's just skip the foreplay and move right along to the fucking.

It's been a damn long weekend. I'm usually introspective but when I do it purposefully...well it turns up the volume on my sarcastic cynical side. The world becomes an ugly place without bubbles and princesses. Wait...maybe it just grounds me in reality.

Can you tell I reconsidered and my decision has been made?