I had two different things happen today at work. This afternoon I was in a disciplinary meeting with an employee and the union steward when suddenly...and I do mean suddenly I get this stomach cramp from hell. It was bad enough I really didn't think I would be able to walk out of the room before the diarrhea hit. So with butt cheeks clamped and enlisting the aid of those kiegal muscles, I rapidly exit the room.

I decided to bypass the nurses station bathroom, the one I always use, because I know the comments that get made from the staff when some other poor soul answers natures call. I finally make it to the public bathroom, knowing only non-employees use that and it wasn't likely that rumors would be flying through the building within 30 minutes that the boss smells like a dead cow.

So as I'm sitting there all I could think of was Stephen Kings DreamCatcher and shit weasels. The whole thing was not pleasant. As I'm sitting there feeling sorry for myself and hearing people pass by and hoping they aren't hearing me, I look down...and what to my wonderous eyes should appear: a diamond. A loose diamond sitting there sparkling in the florescent lights. Wow.

Anyone that knows me, knows I have this thang for diamonds. Of course I grabbed the diamond at the first available opportunity. It looked like approximately a quarter carat. Fate. Who would of thought I'd leave that bathroom smiling. Well I made it to the nurses station and one of my managers seen my tight walkrun to the bathroom was waiting to ask me if I was ok...she told me I looked a little pale. Heh. Well as I am explaining about the stomach cramps leading up to the diamond a second major stomach cramp hits. Worse than the first. Well I tell her to take the damn diamond, I have to GO. She laughs and says thanks....and I hear her laughing as I close the door saying "I'll go get you some Immodium for this."

I think I should get the diamond back, since I wasn't quite in my right....mind or something. That really wasn't quite a fair trade.